Status: Terminally single
Age: Nearly 19
Sex: If only
Star sign: Libra

About Me: I generally have my head in a book. That way you can't see my face. And that's best for everyone, trust me. I had a good start in life though, as mum had me studying for my GCSE's early. I was practically in the womb. "Tamwar! What's the square root of minus one? * If you can't figure it out you'll never get to Oxford!"

Even as a foetus I was hearing pessimism. I wear glasses too, so that's another little something in the "why Tamwar will have no sex ever" column. They say 'love is blind', don't they? I'm counting on it.

I didn't get into Oxford, by the way. You probably know that. "Oxford reject" should be imprinted on my forehead, just in case I cross anyone who Mum hasn't told. My parents think I'm a 'bad boy'. I wish I was. Because if good guys finish last, then surely the inverse is true.

At least I have a roof over my head... in delightful Walford. I live with a hormonal mum, an under pressure father, and a brother who brings over his princess of a fiancée. Frustrated? You have no idea.

Likes: Dustin Hoffman films, mouthwash, Mock the Week, commuters who miss the bus, Thunderbirds (it's the eyebrows), and the fact that a dot over the letter 'I' is called a tittle.

Dislikes: Ill-fitting shoes, crowds, Crane flies, and ridiculously over-proscriptive food handling regulations.

Quote of the month: "If you really loved me you would have gotten into Oxford" - my mother.

*I could explain the answer to this, but it would pretty much destroy any chance of me ever having an actual girlfriend.