I NEED A REALLY BIG WIG
There you are, darlin'. Pint of bitter. Now, Ronnie.
Oh, it's Roxy. Is it? Sorry, darlin'. I know you're faaamily, but to be honest, you all look the same to me. Which one's the one who slept with Jack Branning?
Oh, that's not going to help is it.
Here. Ain't you 'eard the law's changed? No smokin' inside! (SHOUT THIS)
I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon? I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.
Now get outta my pub! Go on, sling your 'ook.
No manners, some people.
What were you saying, love?
NEED A CIGARETTE. PROBABLY A WIG TOO.
Now, I'm not one to gossip but I can't say I approve of the behaviour of my Jim's son, Jack. A fine lad with a good 'art, but it's promiscuity'll be the end of him like many a man before. Leaping into bed with both Ronnie and Roxy Mitchell.
SMOKE HERE. REALLY HARD.
It brings to mind the words of Jesus Christ our Lord, who said... er... who said he who bears falsely towards a woman... and then to her sister...
...shall surely fall afoul of Jesus Christ. Our lord.
And that is John's Letters to the Corinthians, chapter 12, verse 14.
GET GLASSES AND PUSH THEM ONTO MY NOSE A LOT.
So I've been doing some research, and I've discovered that it is possible... really difficult, but it is actually possible... For me to be just a little bit more of a know-it-all.
The research that I've done and the books that I've read, as well as being more research and reading than anyone has ever done, ever, has revealed that there do exist out there more things that it is conceivable that I could actually know about. Isn't that amazing!
I mean, I thought I knew everything, but it just goes to show, if I put my mind to it, there's no limit to the things that I can know everything about!
SOME COOKING THING IN MY HAND.
Tamwar. Tamwar! Why are you not studying?
Asleep? Asleep?! I don't care if you're asleep.
This is Oxford. Oxford! The greatest place in existence! If you want to get into Oxford, sleep is a luxury.
What will people think if you don't get in this time? Hm?
They'll think "there goes Tamwar Masood, the failure.
There goes that boy who thought he was sooo very very clever.
There goes that poor, idiot who cared so little for his mother that he slept when he should have been studying for Oxford!"
So get up!
NEED A HAT. AND A WAISTCOAT IF I CAN FIND ONE.
I tell you, man. Off the boat from Trinidad and straight into the blues clubs. We had us some times back then, man.
The girls, the rum, and also the rum and the girls.
DO THE FINGER CLICK HERE.
Oh, there was rum and girls and in those days I didn't mind a tiny bit of reefer. I don't mind a bit now, man. That's why I talk so slow and always be laughing...
Rum, girls, and laughter. What more do you need out of life, man?
So what am I doing in a sad old corner store in Walford?
You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you've done.
In my day, girlie, we wouldn't go showing our faces or anything like them around anywhere if we'd done something the likes of what you did.
That's right. Faces or any parts of our body were simply not to be shown, around here or anywhere in the vicinity of the area in which we'd done the thing, whatever it may be.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH. I've said my piece. I'll see myself out.